dear week 3/19

I WANTS NAPS

People say youth is wasted on the young. As a younger person, I didn’t really understand much more than “some day” or “later.” Sure, I went to art school, but I thought I would just magically land in the right place, like destiny. I personally don’t know anyone whose life turned out this way. You can wait around for the universe to throw you a bone, or you can go dig up a grave. Maybe that’s a strange analogy.

However, these past few weeks the universe has been relentless. Bones, dirt, shrapnel, everything is washing down, like some cosmic flood. It’s hard to get a footing (I don’t think it’s just me either. Seems everyone is running around like a chicken with their head cut off lately). In short, I am very very tired.

Sometimes, I wish I had been more productive over the past decade. Then I remember how awesome it was to lounge around and do nothing, spend hours in the park, stay up all night with friends, work a dead-end crap job and blindly assume the future would be better. Well, the future is here.

Last night I was watching the first clip of Portlandia: The dream of the 90s… One line really got to me: “Portland, where young people go to retire.” I want to retire. I want to hang up my hat, move to some cheap little house in the boonies and sell soap online, boldly searching for nothing.

I know I can’t, but it reminded me of how things used to be, when I cared very little about the future, stayed up all night working on dumb art projects in my little central Florida apartment. I had youth on my side.

I don’t regret wasting my youth, I just wish I had it to waste again. But I think all the hard work I do these days is kind of like Louie C.K.’s shitty ankle: this is just what I do now… until me and my shitty ankle die. Except my shitty ankle is comedy.

Doesn’t mean I don’t want a nap.